Songs of the Unseen Martyrs
by Taihen na otaku
Summary: Sometimes love is underplayed. Sawamura Seiji had just faced his 20th rejection and couldn't help spiralling into his familiar whirl of emotions.


_Sometime it irritates me how anime makes light of romance. I mean, I understand how a lot of anime is aimed at lonely guys, so maybe they don't want to be reminded of being rejected. In any case, this is a Midori no Hibi based little piece, terribly depressing and all, but still, I felt I needed to dedicate a little something to every otaku out there that got rejected pretty harshly. Its pretty heavy, shitty, and not with any discernable plot whatsoever. It kind of follows the first episode._

_This is the reality for many lonely guys, so deal with it. No sugary coatings, perhaps sometimes people need to be reminded._

**Songs of the Unseen Martyrs**

It was like waking up from a dream. In my case, it was like waking up from a dream to the sound of a gunshot. A deafening, cannon gunshot; an explosion that blasted everything back into focus. A shot that cut harsh, hard outlines from the soft smudges in my head.

You see, my dream was that I had a chance. My dream was that life was fair. I had poured my heart and soul, spent up my every last drop of strength into this moment. I had burnt up my every waking hour of these last two years painfully building up to these 3 minutes. Oh, it was harsh. You'de think that its gets easier after a while, but it doesn't. There she was every day right in front of me, tempting me to continue pashing forward until one day I felt good enough for. I had to smile and pretend everyday that she was just another person in my busy social sphere. I was dreaming that, after all this, I would deserve to have my little plea heard.

"Go...gomen nasai." she said. I had already squeezed my eyes shut before I heard the answer. Two simple little sounds that took all that I had hoped for and cut it down in one sharp stroke. Time didn't slow down. There was no dramatic camera angle or sudden gust of wind or rain of snowflakes fluttering through the air. I almost was expecting it, after all, this was one of the most important moments of my life. It was something I was going to remember for maybe just short of the rest of my life. "Dammit," I thought. I was getting rejected after so much, at least all the gods could show some sympathy. But no, that was all part of my desparate little dream again. Time moved on as normal, time moved on without me, dreaming or not. I had to snap out of it and slowly learn to put my one foot in front of the other again.I was staring at the ground, dragging myself home, trying to find the strength in myself to lift my head.

---

I was bitter now. I was broken, twisted and pretty much bent and dented out of shape. Except, these dents can't be mended. You have to carry on with all the bumps and scratches, visible or not. They were getting so cruel enough that people noticed. " That Sawamura will never get a girl... pathetic " I heard chattered behind me a little too often to be ignored. The finishing touch on a perfect day. All I needed was everyone punishing me for something I was already punishing myself for over and over. I don't know why they did it, it just seemed something to be expected. No matter what I did, it would always come out sometime.

The rest of the day went by in a hopeless blur. It wasn't something I wasn't used to, but it didn't mean it would go away. Twenty defeats. Had it really been so many? The familiar thoughts came flooding back. I'de always have this conversation with myself after another faliure. I tried to convince myself that it wasn't me, but this was so feeble that I was almost laughing from thinking it. No, what I really felt was useless. I tried 20 times and failed. I pulled out my "comfort mags" and I euphamistically called them to myself. But today I found no comfort in them. I was feeling hollow, empty and useless.

Empty. My normal high school life was all but gone, what was wrong with me? There must have been something, everyone else has someone to grab onto them in a scary movie. I was useless. I thought I knew for certain that I would never get a girlfriend. Even into old age I would keep getting rejected. I was getting desperate, too desperate.

So then I prayed. A tiny, almost silent little prayer that I ended up screaming. I didn't know which god to pray to, I never cared much for Shinto, so I asked them all. No, I begged them all:

"It doesn't matter who, please be my girlfriend!"


End file.
